my defense

But even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect.                 --1 Peter 3:14-15

I wrote out my testimony. My heart, my spiritual growth, my relationship with God all spilled out on a sheet of paper.
For the longest time I didn't want to write my testimony. Mine didn't seem interesting enough to keep recorded. My journey was not at all a compelling or contrasting Saul-to-Paul conversion story.
But besides that I didn't want to be faced with the many ways in which I have failed in my walk to be like Christ.

It's a personal, vulnerable, revealing thing to have your testimony written out, left out in the open for others to see. In it are all my failings and my shortcomings. The times when I doubted. The times when I was filled with anger and selfishness. The times when I fell to my knees crying out for His mercy and grace to fill me when I was empty. It's an ugly, uncomfortable thing to share sometimes.

So many words in 1 Peter are deep and convicting. It's one book in the Bible I find myself continually coming back to again and again and finding new things to meditate on. The passage above in chapter 3 are a couple of verses that really broke me down and made me think.

Testimonies are important to God and for personal spiritual growth. I had always selfishly assumed that as long as I had one stored in the recesses of my memory I didn't have any need to write it out or share it with other people. But I was wrong

My story is a simple one of a little girl who grew up in church her whole life. As she got older she found herself falling more and more in love with her creator and heavenly father. She could see Him work in her life in ways that she couldn't explain to others, and she couldn't deny His existence and great love for her.

Knowing my testimony, and looking back at all the little ways in which I have seen God directing me is such an encouraging thing. I have it written on a page and in my heart. It is my defense, and having it gives me hope that if I need to give a reason for the hope and faith I have I won't stutter.

It's not much, but it's mine. And since writing it all out and sharing it with others at church and in small groups of other believers, over time I have finally come to see how merciful God has been in my life. It's always amazing when you can see how God can miraculously change someone and bring them out of a really dark place.
But I have also found an appreciation for the subtle differences He can make in the lives of life-long Christians as well.

There are difficult times I have highlighted in my testimony. But there are also times when I've been so overcome with joy and thanksgiving, when I was amazed at all God has done for me.
And the best part is, our journeys are not complete. God is an author that never sleeps. He's continuously working on adding more of Himself in our lives. It's so reassuring, and I can't wait to look back when I update my testimony and see what He's doing.

If you've never written out your spiritual walk, I couldn't encourage you to do it enough. Unplug, take a deep breath, pray, and think deeply about where God has taken you in your life. There's nothing more refreshing.