the art of self disclosure + openness in faith

24 January 2018

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I have gone through 1 Peter in the Bible at least three times in the past six months. Not on purpose. Through reading it with a Bible study group, or an exposition at church, or random verses that will creep into my social media news feeds. For some reason God keeps bringing me back to this book over and over again, and every time I have gotten so much from it.
It's a small book in the grand scheme of the Bible, only taking up about three and a half pages in my personal little Bible, but it is so packed full of truth that it leaves me with so much to think about for days and weeks and months. It's so applicable in many different ways. I could go on and on about what I've learned from it forever.
But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. -- 1 Peter 3:15-16
These verses have been highlighted in neon orange in my Bible for a long time, and it's one passage that always manages to hit me in the gut and convict me of the things that I fall short on in my faith.

Self disclosure is an art. At least it is in my mind. I think it goes back to my issues with confidence. I'm very cautious with revealing too much of my true self to strangers out of fear of rejection. We've discussed self disclosure a lot in my communications classes, and I feel like it's something I genuinely struggle with. Being vulnerable and willing to open up to people is hard, and I know it's hard for a lot of people. It's something I think about often, and is something that I'm learning to get better at in my personal life. But that's not really the point of this post.
While I do struggle with being myself around others, what stems from that is an even bigger struggle for me, and one that I think is probably more important: being open to others with my faith and what I believe.

My faith is something that is very important to me, but I don't talk about it often with people I'm not close with. I'm sure most would naturally assume I'm a Christian based on the groups I'm in and the people I associate with. But I'm not the type of person to radically proclaim my beliefs from the mountain tops, and it's something I'm ashamed of.

I would like to think that if someone put a gun to my head and demand that I renounce what I believe, I would say no and hold my ground. Honestly though I'm not going to know what I would do unless I were put in that situation. And that scares me.
Obviously that's an exaggerated scenario, and I'm really not ashamed of my faith. I openly go to church, and carry my Bible with me without a problem. But it makes me think. If my life depended on it, what would I do? These verses only go to dig further in my heart that I need to work on this.

I think I hold my faith close, not only due to a fear of rejection, but in an attempt to keep it safe. I'm afraid if I let it loose for the world to see, then someone will come and dismantle it, show me why I'm wrong and try to change it. But then how will I get the chance to grow and become stronger if I continue this way?

I want to be prepared. I like that word in the verses. I want to be prepared for any situation I might be put in. Whether it be a shooting or otherwise. To be able to look at it head on and proclaim what I know to be true with gentleness and respect. I want to be able to disclose this part of myself easily, without fear of repercussions. And I want people to recognize this part of me and see clearly the hope that is in me.

God, please help me.

16 comments

  1. I needed this today. So much stress has been going on, all self imposed, and this really helped me remember what the purpose is for everything. Glorifying God is the reason for all of this, all the pain, all the struggle, and even all the stress we go through. Your faith is beautiful and I often have struggled with the question you pose to yourself on if you would stay strong in your faith.

    Finding an answer to that question is a hard thing to do. And we may never truly know. But God knows our hearts. He knows us more than we know ourselves. Thank you for this post. You have lifted my spirits a bit and reminded me that it will work out.

    God bless you.
    <3

    ~Ivie

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    1. I'm so glad you were able to find encouragement through the post, Ivie. <3 Hopefully we'll both be able to grow in our faith and be more open!

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  2. Wow. I legit almost scrolled past this post in my feed. DEAR GIRL this was beautiful. truly. <3 thank you for this.

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    1. Ahh thanks for your sweet comment Julia! I'm happy you decided to read it!

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  3. I understand what you mean whether you say that you are careful about sharing your faith with others. I've always been like that too but I have a fear of people not acceptting my faith and like you mentioned tearing it to pieces. Being prepared is good but how prepared should you be? I think if it feels right to get it out there then do so naturally (:
    Simply Me

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    1. Yeah I never know how I would respond if someone tried to oppose me, which is another reason why I stay silent most of the time. It takes practice and courage to get over what other people might say or do, and trust that God will give us the words to say if we need them.

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  4. I've thought about this a looott, so, thank you for putting my random thoughts into words <33

    sarah » the introverted extrovert

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    1. Thanks Sarah. Thanks for reading my random thoughts. It's so encouraging that you could relate too!

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  5. YES. It's so easy to shove faith in a box because there are so so many people out there with different opinions about what faith is. And some of them can make really strong points that make me question, "who am I to say what is right and wrong, anyway?"

    I definitely relate to this a lot, so thank you.
    k.

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    1. Exactly! It's hard, but I don't think we can get stronger in what we believe if we continue to shove our faith in a box.
      Thanks for commenting Keira!

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  6. This is such an important post! It's true, it can be hard to be open about things... especially the things close to your heart! But it's also so important to share your passions with others... and our hope in salvation! Because how can we afford to lock that hope away, when "faith comes by hearing", and how are they to hear if we do not speak <3?
    Blessings,
    Bri
    forget-not-his-benefits.blogspot.com

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  7. you have a lot of self awareness which I admire. and I can relate to much of what you said. for me, I always have that fear of "am I doing enough?"
    am I living out what I believe enough?
    am I loving people like Jesus would enough?
    am I trusting enough?

    you're not alone in that.

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    1. Your fears are my fears too. It's so good we aren't alone. God will work through us as we share our struggles!

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  8. So relatable! I don't want to be ashamed of telling people what I believe in. I want to be bold and open and unafraid of receiving backlash for what I believe is right.

    While it is good to try and live in peace, it's also good to be unafraid of telling people the truth.

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  9. I'm not a Christian myself but I admire your faith and your hope, it's always beautiful to see someone be passionate about something. I know people are very harsh sometimes, I know I have been in the past, but have confidence in what you believe and love your beliefs and no one will be able to put you down. When we face something we don't understand, we come from a place of fear most of the times, and that can never make for a pleasant situation. But respond to it with love and no one will be able to put you down. If you come from a place of love and kindness, as I can feel you do by your words, you should never be ashamed :)
    much love <3

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