untitled | a life update

12 January 2019

2019 will be a good story.
It'll be about taking back joy and pushing out distractions. It'll be less of "I wish I'd done that" and more "I'm so glad I did that." It'll be letting go of fear and pursuing the things I care about relentlessly. It'll be sharing the things I care about in spite of fear.

That's my New Years resolution.

Have I already failed?

But I refuse to give up.

I don't like to get too personal on this blog too often. Not because I think you won't care, but mostly because a lot of my life is me processing the same things over and over again. It gets redundant. But sometimes it's good for me to express myself in writing to get things off my mind. I also felt like I needed to give some sort of update for those I know in real life and those who have followed me for a long time since everything has shifted so much.

In the first two weeks of 2019 God has already pulled me out of my comfort zone so much and has changed every single one of the plans I had made. He likes doing that doesn't He?

I took the fall semester off of my Junior year at college to work and reevaluate what my goals in life are and how to achieve them in a realistic way. Adjusting back into school has been weird, especially since I never expected to be back here.

A year ago, I expected to be living and working in Paris right now.
During the summer, I expected to be transferring to a new school right now.
A month ago, I expected to still be at home, taking the rest of the school year off and working at my food service job.

Now I'm in my dorm room, back where I started at the beginning of 2018. I feel like nothing has changed, but at the same time everything has changed.

1. I'm no longer a French major. Since taking a semester off, there's not enough room in my schedule to finish the major and graduate on time. It's a sacrifice I knew I needed to make and I'm at peace with it, but it's still disappointing I couldn't finish what I started. I am now focusing on a degree in Communications, while still pursuing my love of French with a minor.

2. I'm no longer studying abroad. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to give up. I've always been someone who has wanted to travel more than anything but has barely had the chance to leave the state. The thought of studying abroad was one of the things that kept me going through a lot of hard times during my first years at college. But again, it just doesn't fit in with my schedule or with my finances to still be able to do it and it breaks my heart.

3. I'm adding a minor in history. While not totally set in stone yet, I am excited for the opportunity to study another subject I love. I'm taking two history courses to see if I can work in the minor, and I'm really enjoying it.

There are so many other things going on, and so many things I wish would happen. However, I don't have any doubts that this is where God wants me. Through all the planning I can see where He has been guiding me and where he has closed doors. I don't understand all of it yet, but I trust I will be able to look back one day and it'll all make sense.

Even though I want to give up so much and label 2019 a failure already I know I can't. The year is new and I have no idea what will come from it. Even though everything I had expected has been taken away, I'm trying to keep going. I'm trying to be optimistic and take everything I'm given.

And that's my real resolution for the year. To take and give and not waste anything that comes my way, whether it's opportunities, friendships, or time.

Thank you for all of the support and patience you have given me. It means so so much more than you can ever imagine!
Another of my more active resolutions I'm trying to keep up with is this blog.
I am determined to write one post a week.
I promise that so ofte, and honestly I doubt anyone believes me anymore
but I'm gonna do it anyway,
even if what I post about is boring or unedited or stupid.
Thanks for sticking with me.


  1. I'm proud of you! You've worked through some hard things! It is so hard to lay down dreams, goals plans, but I know that when we give something up, the Lord always has something more amazing in store, and I look forward to seeing how He reveals this to you. So much of life is about moving forward in a direction but not really knowing the destination. He shows us little by little. But, eventually, we begin to realize His plan for us... Hang in there! You are making it through! Someday it will make sense (or at least be over. 😊)

    1. Thank you so much for your support through the whole journey, Jennifer!

  2. Congrats! Changes can be really difficult sometimes.

    '2019 will be a good story.
    It'll be about taking back joy and pushing out distractions. It'll be less of "I wish I'd done that" and more "I'm so glad I did that."'

    I feel this as well. It sucks to repeatedly want to achieve something and yet not do it. I hope things work out better for you in 2019! <3

  3. Gosh, Hannah, can I just thank you for being real? I feel that same temptation to label the year a failure already because I haven't made progress on certain goals or I just feel like I could have started off the year stronger in specific areas. But I love your heart and what the Lord is teaching you! He's teaching me the same thing - that He has greater, better plans that I didn't see coming and that took me off guard. It can be a confusing time when life shifts and leaves us in a place we didn't think we'd be, but it can also be the best thing. I really hope your 2019 is going to be a great, wonderful year! I look forward to reading your upcoming posts. :) <3

    1. Thank you so much for your encouragement, Erin. It touched my heart. Hopefully God can guide us both through the crazy adventures of life and leave us in awe of how far he's taken us!

  4. It's so inspiring to see you refusing to let your past disappointments define your future. When things don't go my way, it can be really easy to let that sullen mood cast a shadow over the rest of my day, month, or even year. Separating my future's potential from what's happened in my past is a skill I've been trying to get better at lately. Hopefully, we can succeed together. <3

    Eleanor | On the Other Side of Reality

    1. Thanks so much for your sweet comment, Eleanor! We'll figure it out eventually. It's a skill we shouldn't ever stop practicing!

  5. I love this!! I've been going through with changing degrees/figuring things with what I'll be studying as well and it's difficult not being able to finish what you started! Thank you for sharing: best of luck in 2019, and on the rest of your endeavors! I'm looking forwards to seeing what you will do.

    1. Thanks Hanne! And good luck to you as you figure everything out. I know changing degrees and life can be super hard!

  6. I am so proud of you. This is such a hard thing to work through, and your honesty about that is so refreshing. I believe in you endlessly. <3