I Graduated | A Reflection on My College Experience

15 May 2020

I graduated. 

I turned in my final assignment of my undergrad, and immediately felt a huge sense of relief. College was one of the hardest experiences I have ever had to go through at this point in my life. I say that without hesitation. Despite all the promises made that the years you spend in college are the golden ones, despite all the enthusiasm and hope I had as I applied and got accepted into college, despite studying all the things I love, I hated every second of it.

This is a post I've thought about a lot as my graduation date drew closer and closer, and as I'm writing it I'm nervous. This isn't about the school I went to. This isn't about the people I met, or the professors I had. This is entirely about me. I'm writing this for several reasons. First and foremost, as a sort of closure. It's cathartic to just write out my thoughts and be done with something. I feel like in this way I can put it all in the past and move forward. Secondly, I feel like all too often the college experience is put up on this huge pedestal, and for people like me it can be discouraging when it doesn't turn out to be that amazing experience.

I went to my dream college. It's a small school, far enough away from home for me that I could feel a sense of independence, but not so far that I couldn't spend weekends with my family if I wanted. It's a liberal arts school with an incredible language and communication program. I love my school and have nothing against it. Even now, I still think out of all the colleges and universities in the world, this one fit everything I wanted. 

I truly believe that while my school was perfect for me, I was the one who wasn't ready. But even though my years in college weren't as amazing as I had hoped they would be, they were definitely the most formative.

I learned a lot in the past 4 years I have spent in higher education. However, beyond what I learned in academically while I was in college, I feel like I became more secure in who I am as a person and my personal philosophy. 

I got to know so many different people with so many different perspectives and opinions. I learned how to respect those different perspectives and opinions. I learned to think critically. I learned to challenge my faith in order to better understand and find more confidence in what I truly believe about life. And for that, I am grateful for the experience.

Another thing I learned from college was my own resilience. There were so many times when I felt like I wasn't going to be able to finish. I wanted to give up more than anything. While I wish I didn't have to go through what I did to get to the end, while I wish I could go back and do everything completely differently, I know I can't. 

I can't necessarily regret the whole experience, because somehow it has made me who I am today, and I know God sent me on this path for a reason. For all the suffocatingly lonely moments. For all the long nights plagued by insomnia and anxiety. For all the phone calls I made to my mom or my boyfriend crying that I couldn't do it anymore. For all the days I prayed until my heart bled. For all of that, I'm thankful.

In the end, the biggest lesson that I can take away from my college experience is that if I could somehow survive these past four years, I can get through anything. I feel like my life can start fresh, and I'm excited to see where I'll go from here. 

10 comments

  1. Congratulations, Hannah! It is a great milestone to graduate from college. :) Even more so as it was a time for growth and lots of learning. Sometimes when we look back at these times, we can be reminded and be amazed with how God carried us through. Exciting times ahead, God Bless you more in your new phase in life.

    Anna Jo | http://helloannajo.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you so much for your encouragement, Anna Jo! <3

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  2. ahhhh congrats, Hannah!! this was so lovely to read, i'm glad that you learned a lot through this journey. <333

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  3. Congratulations! I didn't start college until I was 20, and then only online, I did the final two years at a public university and hated the last year. I think the "must start college at 18 and finish it four years" just doesn't work for everyone.

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    1. Oh yeah, I totally agree! I think everyone should do what they believe is best in pursuing the next stage in life. I admire everyone for working hard in any way for their future.

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  4. I, too, have gone back and forth over whether to pursue college ed. I definitely think that it’s not all that society makes it out to be, and in some cases it’s helpful, other cases not.

    Happy to hear that you graduated, even though it was hard. Life is sometimes like that, isn’t it? You start the thing (because it’s the next right step) but then it turns out to be harder than you ever expected and it’s too late to back out. I have been there a couple 3 times. But lessons of resilience are invaluable, all the same.

    best wishes for your next season, Hannah!
    xoxo.
    k.

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    1. It's definitely not for everyone, and I would probably do it differently if I were to decide now. It's just important to make each new step with confidence in what you know at the moment, adjust if you need to, and take what you can from your experience. I don't know how I would advise you about college, because it is an important experience for some, but isn't very applicable to others. With whatever you decide to do, I hope you are able to learn and grow.

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  5. Congratulations, Hannah!!! This is so timely for me, as I'm actually ENTERING college this fall. I know it'll provide a lot of opportunities for growth and change, and I'm excited but also nervous. I kinda just... try not to think about it too hard or I'll get overwhelmed. XD

    You're so pretty! <3

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    1. Congrats on starting school in the fall! I'm glad you were able to find encouragement in my post. I hope you have a great experience!

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