too late

08 June 2018

I am in a race with time. It's a constant game that I can't win. I'm running as hard and as fast as I can, but it's hard to beat an opponent I cannot see, one that catches me off guard, who can sprint past me before I realize they're gaining on me.

I've been reflecting on just how precious a thing time is. It's become one of those cliche things to talk about not taking your youth and your time on this earth for granted, but the realization has hit me harder than ever.

I've always had this thought in the back of my mind that if I want to do anything great I have to start early in life, and often times I feel like I've missed my window of opportunity. It's too late for me to try anything new. And I know it's ridiculous for me to say that when I've just entered my twenties, aka the preconceived peak of life! But I still think about it and feel it none the less. It's something that has consumed my thoughts for a long time.

I was ten and I wanted to try out softball, but after I saw the other girls who had been playing since kindergarten t-ball, I quickly let that dream fade. When I played violin I joined a group made up of kids who were all younger than me and who were all able to play flawlessly by ear while I was still screeching my way through the songs, the only one aided by sheet music. I left out of embarrassment, figuring that if I had only started when I was younger, I could have been just like them.

There have been so many instances of me feeling like I'm too late to persevere or to try something new. And even though I look back on those times and wish I had urged myself to keep going, wish I had attempted to gain a new skill, it is something that I still do today.

I see kids younger than me who have already been able to do so much in their short lives, and I get that feeling of inadequacy again. That old gut feeling that I've wasted my life and that it is too late for me to reclaim it. I'll be struggling through my French homework, and get frustrated that my younger self didn't hone my language skills earlier. I see younger bloggers gain hundreds of followers after only a few months of writing, while I've been trying to figure out the art of algorithms and promotion for over six years.

I know that all these fears are irrational and I know that God's timeline is better than how I think it should be. But they are all still there. I still feel like I've missed my opportunity to do something with my life. I have developed a fear of wasting time. As the days go by and I get nearly nothing accomplished, I can feel the time being drained from me. I get that frantic feeling that I have to figure out what I'm doing with my life right now. And then I panic.

That urgency is something that has restricted me and has held me back for so long. But I'm trying to look at it through a different light. Instead of living in fear of the time I've wasted and being too late, I want to use it as a motivator. Instead of wishing I could just press the reset button and start again, I can try something new. Because it's really never too late.


  1. Girl. I literally just tried wrote a post about something quite similar and now that I've read yours I literally just want to provide a link to this post instead, cause you have such a way with words! This was beautifully written, and such a relateable feeling. I think it is so easy to view ourselves in the small picture perspective of comparison with the greats instead of the large picture where every effort we make to grow in a positive way has a universal as well as personal impact. This year and every year from now on is our year to thrive <3 And just as a side note, I am mindblown and inspired by the simultaneous beauty and rawness of so many of your lovely blog posts.


    1. Thank you so much, Lizzy! Your comment made my day!

  2. Ugh, so true.

    It feels that I could be a lot more successful if I were smarter when I was younger. And of course I can relate to the language learning thing. I guess what keeps me going is the fact that I am a tons better than I was two years ago.

    1. Yeah it's always important to put things in perspective and focus on progress.

  3. Love this so much XD
    I can relate to what your saying, so t r u e
    Thank you for this honest post.
    The Ramblings of a Bookworm